DOG POOP
Posted by Tim Bryce on November 24, 2014
BRYCE ON LIFE
– What do your dogs think about all of this?
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It is not often I discuss something as banal as dog poop, but I recently witnessed an incident which caused me to think about it.
First, I use the term “poop” here as it is perhaps the least offensive word describing the item in question. I could try using more cerebral adaptations, such as “stool,” “excrement,” “feces,” or “manure,” but I do not think there are many veterinarians who follow my column. As kids, we knew better than to say “crap,” and the “S” word was guaranteed to get your mouth washed out with soap. So, we defaulted to “poop,” especially when we were around adults.
It wasn’t that long ago when most people let their dogs relieve themselves in the confines of the backyard. When there was too much poop on hand, someone would have to shovel it up, a task usually assigned to the offspring. However, if you walked the dog around the neighborhood, the animal was allowed to do his business and you simply moved along.
Somewhere in the 1990’s though this started to change, and to be a good neighbor you were expected to pick up your dog’s poop in plastic bags. I think this was when we started to become “politically correct.” Initially, newspaper bags were convenient for picking up the poop, but now we have all kinds of designer bags for securing the merchandise. In other words, something that once was free was now beginning to cost money. I wish I could find a way to blame technology for this, but I tend to blame the media instead.
The ASPCA reports there are an estimated 70-80 million dogs in the United States representing approximately 37-47% of all households. No matter how you slice it, that’s a lot of poop. The next question is how much of our garbage dumps are filled with these little plastic poopy packages? I wonder how archeologists centuries from now will interpret these voluminous fun bags. I can hear them now saying, “Why did they bag it? Didn’t they know the plastic was bad for the environment? They should have just allowed it to work into the soil naturally.”
Recently though, I happened to watch a neighbor walking his two dogs. Before he could walk them off his property, nature called and both animals left their packages on his front lawn. As my neighbor leaned down to pick up the poop in a decorative plastic bag, I happened to notice the expressions of both dogs as they waited for their master to complete his task. They seemed to look at him puzzled, seeming to say, “What the heck are you doing? Have you lost your mind? I put that there for a purpose. You’re embarrassing me. Surely, you’re not bringing that home with us. Just leave it alone or I’ll do it again.” And inevitably he did. Next time you see someone walking their dog, watch the animal’s expression and you’ll see what I mean.
After witnessing this incident, I came to the conclusion it is more difficult to train the master than the animal.
As an aside, I think I’ve discovered a new Murphy’s Law: “A dog will only poop if he can embarrass the walker.” Meaning, if you happen to be recognized by a good neighbor, or a fine looking woman or man, your dog will inevitably decide to take this opportunity to do his business, and so much for you leaving a good impression on the other person.
Keep the Faith!
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Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com
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Copyright © 2014 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.
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Carol Graham said
We have had a LOT of dogs (8 right now) and I never thought of this — very funny and I believe you speak the truth! They know EXACTLY what they are doing. We have one rescue dog that insists on eating all the poop of the other dogs. This has caused much anxiety and we are working through it — what do you make of that?
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Tim Bryce said
Carol – I never understood the “backyard gourmets” as we call them. What do they think this is, Golden Corrall? Off hand I would suggest washing his mouth out with soap, but he would probably eat that as well for dessert. I wish you luck.
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Tim Bryce said
An M.C. of Hollister, California wrote…
“This article has several good points.
The issue of collecting your pets “gifts” while out walking them has a two fold purpose. One it is neighborly of you to not leave your dogs “five pounder” on their lawn. (Man, I can write a whole article on the terror’s of accidentally finding a pile).
The second is it was discovered that animal feces that are allowed to be washed into storm water drains transmitted bacteria to the waterways. These storm drains empty at our beaches, where our kids play.
Do you know your waste ends up in the landfill after it is treated? The “Sludge” as it is called, has to be buried. It doesn’t just magically disappear. Nature handles this task in the wild by it deteriorating into the soil. It doesn’t normally get washed into the ocean. The earth’s soil is a bio-filter.
Be wary of landfills that mix the “Sludge” with compost. This trend is one way they have learned to double dip the customer all the while turning your yard into something not so desirable. Obviously we eat too much meat as a species to pass that along as good fertilizer.
What about the ocean? Really? The ocean is one big cesspool especially along the coasts. Everything in the ocean eats and excretes there. Then we add our land stuff to it.
So guess what? You can’t escape dog poop! Arf!”
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janismith said
When we lived in an upscale suburb, all dogs had to be leashed and every person walking a dog had to carry a poop bag or risk being fined $500. That was just for not having a bag, although warnings were usually issued unless there was actual poop involved. Living in the north woods, I miss this law. Put the poop wherever you want and in whatever you want, but keep your dog and its poop confined to your property, please.
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