BLACK NOVEMBER
Posted by Tim Bryce on November 19, 2015
BRYCE ON LIFE & DEATH
– It’s been a bad month.
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This has been a strange month. Quite a few of my friends have lost loved-ones this month. In particular, two lost grand daughters, another lost a mother, another a father, and a Masonic brother. I cannot begin to imagine their pain, particularly those losing young ones, but they seem to be resilient and quietly bear their grief. Another friend is about to lose his wife of nearly fifty years of marriage due to cancer. She was a great woman from Scotland and a good friend. The interesting thing is all these deaths have all come rather suddenly during the month of November. It seems such deaths come in cycles as I’ve heard of no other deaths this year. Then there are the recent deaths in Paris incurred by Islamic terrorists which none of us truly understand. I guess when it rains it pours. Losing a loved-one is a sort of right of passage, something we must all suffer through. We generally expect our elders to pass before us, but not our offspring or grandchildren. I tend to believe it takes a little something out of us spiritually when this happens. All we can do is just take it, and hope we have family and friends to support us.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and we will miss the smiling faces of our loved-ones around the dinner table. It would be sad if we forgot them, which is why I devised the following grace some time ago, titled, “A Thanksgiving Moment”:
“Let us enjoy the moment, cherish the moment, remember the moment.
Let us first remember those moments where we shared many a story, a joke and debate, with those loved ones at this very table, those who have gone on before us, yet we fondly remember.
Let us now take a moment and make our own mental photograph of every person at this table, what was said, what we looked like, what we ate, and the love in our hearts.
Let us remember this moment, let us cherish this moment, let us give thanks for this moment, as time slips silently away.
Amen.”
I know it will be difficult for those of you who recently lost a friend or family member, but try to have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Keep the Faith!
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Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com
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Copyright © 2015 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.
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Carol said
Very well thought out and very well written Tim. Thanks Tim.
Sent from my iPhone
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Tim Bryce said
An A.H. of Jacksonville, Florida wrote…
“A perfect sentiment Tim, and as you know, Betsey, my father and I are in that boat, although it did not happen in November.”
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Tim Bryce said
A B.H. of Boulder, Colorado wrote…
“In just a few days (November 24 to be exact), it would have been our 48th wedding anniversary. 12 years ago now, my late wife was in a nursing home at age 56 – she’d been there for 5 years with chronic progressive Multiple Sclerosis – as a quadriplegic. She suddenly came down with the flu, which migrated into pneumonia, and she died on 06DEC. Our doctor, who also happened to be a pulmonologist, told me that while he could intubate her and drain the lungs, he couldn’t get ALL the fluid out, and it would only keep coming back over and over again because as a quadriplegic, she couldn’t cough hard enough to expel the material on her own. I had to make the decision NOT to intubate her – which was a wish she and I had talked about well in advance.
It didn’t make the decision any easier, and I later had to make a similar decision on behalf of my younger sister.
Each year around this time, it’s “difficult” – but I also look at my youngest daughter and her young family – especially now with a newborn grandson – and I think how blessed I am. Oh, there are “those days” in this part of the year when grief sometimes returns to visit and it takes me out of action for a little while, but I also know that it will pass and is a part of the grieving process and life itself.
And, I have that Masonic friend – who got me started with Job’s Daughters, who got me into the Scottish Rite (I just recently was coroneted a 33rd degree), and who mentored so many young girls who are now mothers and wives themselves watching their children grow like we did. He died a horrible death – esophageal cancer in his early 50’s.
That friend, when my daughter called him to tell him my wife had died at 10pm at night during the week, asked her simply: “where are you, and how do I get there?” He drove nearly an hour to get to the nursing home at almost midnight just to comfort both of us. He died almost a year later in the month of December as well (on Christmas Eve).
I’m told that “winter months” (and November technically isn’t one of them, but it SEEMS like it at times) seem to auger deaths from all sorts of causes.
And, yes, I still have that mental picture of my wife, not as a quadriplegic, but as the healthy and beautiful woman I married when we were 20 years old. They say that time heals all wounds. My wife’s best childhood friend lost her first husband in his early 30’s to brain cancer. She told me that losing a spouse (or close family member) is “almost” like losing an arm or a leg. The eyes tell you without a shred of doubt that the limb is gone. The brain, on the other hand tells you that the eyes are lying – “see, I can still wiggle my toes/fingers and feel tingles – so the limb MUST still be there.” So, you’re confused. A simple word, smell, sight, or sound will trigger a memory and a flood of emotion will overcome you for a while. These will happen often and be quite painful to endure – almost overwhelming. As time goes on, they come less often but the intensity is still the same – and you’ve learned to accept them and deal with them so they become a little more “tolerable” because you know this. At some point, the brain finally confesses that it was really the liar, and the limb was really gone – but now you can accept it and move on.
Thanks Tim. It was a wonderful grace.”
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Tim Bryce said
A P.M. of Palm Harbor, Florida wrote…
“Very sad to lose a loved one and then having to face the holidays. I know what it’s like.”
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Tim Bryce said
A U.V. of Largo, Florida wrote…
“Yes, it is sad to remember those who are no longer with us, but as long as you remember them, they are not truly forgotten. Grant them peace in His warm embrace.
Happy Turkey Day to you and yours.”
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Tim Bryce said
An M.B. of Wilmington, North Carolina wrote…
“Those that we know that lost a child all seem to have died a little and never recovered their full vitality. Your article is a refreshing note of hope.”
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Joan Schoenling said
As always, Tim, you have been able to get inside our hearts and express in moving detail what we are feeling. I particularly love your “A Thanksgiving Moment,” which will prompt me to be “aware, enjoy, cherish and remember the moment” as we gather for our Thanksgiving Dinner this year.
Thank you, for all of your many inspiring, enlightening, and motivating essays over these past years.
Best,
j.
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Tim Bryce said
Many thanks Joan for your generous comments. All the best for Thanksgiving. – Tim
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Jean Bryce said
When your father passed on, I thought the end of the world had come but you and your brother helped me through it. I’ve been blessed with two wonderful sons. Can’t even imagine life without you. Dad would be so pleased with you. Happy, happy Thanksgiving and we will say this prayer over dinner.
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2015 YEAR-END WRAP-UP « THE BRYCE IS RIGHT! said
[…] Your Sanity” “Differences in Family Values” “Evoking Memories” “Black November” “Passing the […]
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