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Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

GOD HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR

Posted by Tim Bryce on October 8, 2019

BRYCE ON LIFE

– Now there is proof of it.

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To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

I am now convinced God possesses a sense of humor. Proof can be described in one word: toenails.

When you are young and very limber, cutting your toenails is not a big deal. Snip, snip, snip… and it is all over in a scant few seconds. However, as we get older and our joints stiffen, it becomes an arduous task to clip them. In fact, it is downright comical how we try to get down to our toes to perform the task. I cannot help but believe God laughs his ass off watching the contortions we put ourselves through to clip something as simple as toenails. It’s a riot. This explains why nail salons make a ton of money on pedicures as nobody wants to do it anymore.

Toenails also evolve over time into something that can look rather gnarly. We thereby become embarrassed to show our feet to others, including pedicurists who gasp at the sight of some of them. It can be rather nasty. Some require a few coats of Sherwin-Williams to make them look half palatable for human sight. Again, I can hear God chuckling over all this.

There are other things which must amuse Him as well, such as ear and nose hairs. I think He invented a mechanism whereby the more hair we lose from our head goes directly to our ears and nose. Then there is the problem of women who grow mustaches which embarrasses them to no end. Actually, I think this one is rather mean spirited.

The one that amazes me though is how the Lord consolidated our reproductive organs with our plumbing system. I think God was having a bad day when he came up with this one. No engineer in his right mind would combine the pleasure center with the sewer system. I think this one had Him in convulsions.

Then He made it so we either can or cannot urinate on a regular basis. It seems men cannot turn it on and women cannot turn it off, or vice versa, with neither being in sync. Feet then become swollen and other problems ensue.

There are many other little nuances in life He has created which seems rather ridiculous, such as nervous perspiration, sunburns, mucous, ear wax, an irritable itch here and there, pains and sprains, gas, and of course hemorrhoids.

Yes, God indeed has a sense of humor.

Keep the Faith!

P.S. – Also do not forget my new books, “How to Run a Nonprofit” and “Tim’s Senior Moments”, both available in Printed and eBook form.

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb1557@gmail.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2019 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

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Posted in humor, Life, Religion | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

MISSING SAM KINISON, REDUX

Posted by Tim Bryce on September 17, 2019

BRYCE ON HUMOR

– Would he have fit in with political correctness?

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As many of you know, we lost comedian Sam Kinison in an automobile accident back in 1992. For those of you who do not remember him, Sam was described as a “heavy metal” comedian who was well known for being raunchy and irreverent. Interestingly, prior to becoming a comedian he was an ordained Pentecostal Minister, but he was better known for his shock-rock humor who made biting commentaries of our time. It seemed nobody was spared, but his favorite targets were Rev. Jim Bakker of the PTL Club and his wife Tammy, Jessica Hahn, the Pope, Oral Roberts, religion in general, World Hunger, Gays, and several commentaries on sex, drugs and Rock n’Roll. I can still vividly remember his trademark scream.

No, he was certainly not politically correct, by both today’s and yesterday’s standards. His humor would make just about everyone blush, but behind it all you had to admit there was an element of truth and wisdom in his comedy, and this is what ultimately endeared him to the public. Many didn’t understand how a former minister could be so vulgar, but as for me, I clearly understood what he was trying to tell us.

What is sad is that Sam was cut down just as the times were changing and we needed his biting humor more than ever. Had Sam survived, imagine what he could have done with Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill. He could have done hours on the Clintons and Monica Lewinsky alone. There was also Drummer Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson, Anna Nicole Smith and Paris Hilton, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Supreme Court Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh and his accuser, Christine Blasey Ford, and much, much more.

Sam’s humor though was not confined to sex. I would have loved to have heard his take on Bill Gates and Windows, Steve Jobs and the iPhone, the Internet, the Taliban, Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden, Iraq and Saddam Hussein, immigration, and on and on. Unfortunately, Sam missed a period of time which would have given him more fodder for his humor than he could have imagined. But such was not to be.

What few people realize is that just prior to his death, Sam was planning on giving up comedy and going back to being a Minister. As for me, Sam taught me that in an age of political correctness, maybe some intolerance and ridicule is deserved; maybe we shouldn’t just sit back and accept the status quo and instead we should speak up and voice our displeasure, and; perhaps we take ourselves way too seriously.

So, Yes, I miss Sam, not just for how he ranted and raved, but more importantly, what he was trying to tell us.

Keep the Faith!

P.S. – Also do not forget my new books, “How to Run a Nonprofit” and “Tim’s Senior Moments”, both available in Printed and eBook form.

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb1557@gmail.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2019 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

Posted in humor, Life | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

AIRPORTS

Posted by Tim Bryce on April 25, 2019

BRYCE ON TRANSPORTATION

– Do you see anything “suspicious” there?

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It has been awhile since I’ve talked about airports. In the past, I enjoyed air travel but now look for excuses not to go, thereby avoiding the headaches associated with it. Suffice it to say, I find travel to be more laborious than exciting. I think the novelty wore off when they introduced the security checkpoints back in the early 1980’s. Now we have to strip and be subject to cavity searches by people who flunked their proctology exams in a foreign country. You really have to hand it to the terrorists for creating a billion dollar industry and putting the homeless to work as security inspectors.

Over the public address system you routinely hear the message, “Please report any suspicious behavior.” Hell, the whole thing is suspicious. People are plugged in and tuned out. Those people talking on cell phones look delusional as they wander aimlessly through the airport seemingly talking to themselves. Most are dressed as if they are going on a camping trip or bombing run. Even the security people look like they speak a foreign language, certainly not English. Report “suspicious behavior”? To whom? Muhammed, the head of airport security?

I’ve also noticed airports are now much more handicap accessible than in years past, but perhaps they have gone overboard on some things. For example, when I went to the men’s room recently I noticed there was an infant changing table. Okay, fine, men change diapers now. No big deal. Over the table hung a sign denoting the changing table, but in addition to plain English on the sign I noticed a Braille version for the blind. This got me thinking how a blind person would ever find the spot and use it properly. I imagined a person groping around a strange airport and rest room until he finally arrived at the station only to miss the sign (as it was displayed a tad high and inset, making it easy to miss). He might even end up circling the rest room for hours to find the right spot to change diapers. God knows what he will use if he misses it.

Luggage carousels haven’t really changed over the years. The baggage handlers still send out the same 100 empty suitcases before any of the bags from your flight shows up. Actually, I think it’s a stalling tactic as they rip through your luggage to find the good stuff.

The Gestapo runs the ground transportation, for both pickup and drop-off, complete with bomb sniffing dogs, mirrors to look under your car, and tow trucks. Most do nothing but wave their arms incessantly, blow their whistle, and yell at you to move your car. I still haven’t developed the knack for picking up someone while the car is still moving. I guess I need more practice.

So, do I see anything “suspicious” at the airport? You tell me.

First published: November 18, 2008

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb1557@gmail.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2019 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

Posted in humor, Transportation, Travel | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

BEING MARRIED TO ALEXA

Posted by Tim Bryce on February 5, 2019

BRYCE ON TECHNOLOGY

– What kind of banter to expect from Amazon’s Echo.

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Over the holidays I bought an Amazon Echo for my home which is commonly known as “Alexa” as it is a voice controlled personal assistant to answer common questions, play music, set alarms and reminders, turn electronic devices on and off, and many other tasks. Perhaps the best way to think of it is as an audio version of a web browser. The product is comparable to Apple’s Siri, and Google Home, both of which are voice enabled.

It takes a little getting used to at first, but the more you try different questions, the more you learn its capabilities. I’ve gone beyond asking for the temperature and weather to asking for answers to clues in crossword puzzles.

The voice used by Alexa is female and rather pleasant, but I understand new voices are forthcoming, along with accents. As for me, I like Alexa’s voice as is. Whereas Apple’s and Google’s are based on human voices, I am told Alexa is computer generated.

I found Alexa’s voice so pleasant, I started to think it might make a good surrogate wife for some men living alone. To test this theory, I compiled a list of the most common questions couples exchange at night. These are actual questions I put to Alexa and her actual responses:

Q: “Alexa, what are we having for dinner?”
A: “I recommend a recipe of creamy shells with bacon and peas which takes 30 minutes.”

Q: “Alexa, what is on television tonight?”
A: (She recites a rather lengthy list of shows too voluminous to show here; thank God you can tell Alexa to “Stop” of “Shutup”).

Q: “Alexa, anything happen today?”
A: “Here is your flash briefing…” (a listing of headline news).

Q: “Alexa, where are the kids and what are they doing?”
A: “Hmm, I don’t know that one.”

Q: “Alexa, did you talk to your mother today?”
A: “Sorry, I don’t know that.”

I know a lot of men who would relish the brevity of Alexa and, as a surrogate wife, she’s not too bad. After all, she doesn’t complain, she likes your parents, and she doesn’t suffer from a nasty monthly mood swing. However, I took it a step further:

Q: “Alexa, how do I look?”
A: “I’m sure you look great, but it’s what is inside that counts.” (A very PC response).

Q: “Alexa, would you like a drink?”
A: “While I appreciate food and drink, my taste is better reflected in the company I keep.”

Q: “Alexa, that’s a lovely negligee you’re wearing.”
A: “Hmm, I don’t know that.”

Q: “Alexa, what is that bewitching scent you’re wearing?”
A: “Sorry, I don’t know that.”

Q: “Alexa, was it good for you?”
A: “Sorry, I’m not sure.” (This really deflates the masculine ego).

It quickly became obvious to me Alexa is not a romantic. I was kind of hoping for a response like, “Oh, how you go on and on” followed by a feminine giggle, but such was not to be. Then again, maybe Alexa doesn’t like men. Hmm…

However, I do not believe Alexa is useful to women as a suitable surrogate husband. Without visual optics, it cannot distinguish what shoes look better with a specific outfit, nor check your hair or makeup, or assess your sense of fashion. I guess the male of the species serves a purpose after all.

Fortunately, I have found you can program Alexa to say certain things if you have the time and inclination, for example:

Q: “Alexa, Who makes the best spaghetti sauce?”
A: “Tim Bryce, of course.”

She may not be a romantic, but she is right on with this one.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb1557@gmail.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2019 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

Posted in humor, Technology | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

MAKE ‘EM LAUGH

Posted by Tim Bryce on August 23, 2018

BRYCE ON HUMOR

– Come on, loosen up and laugh.

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It doesn’t seem long ago that I would hear someone in the office start the day off with, “Hey, did you hear the one about…” I don’t think too many people tell jokes anymore either because we have plugged into some device and tuned out the world, or because we are too sensitive to political correctness.

According to Helpguide.org, an independent publication aimed at mental and emotional health, laughter is strong medicine. It boosts immunity, lowers stress hormones, decreases pain, relaxes your muscles, and prevents heart disease. It also adds joy and zest to life, eases anxiety and tension, improves mood, strengthens relationships with others, enhances teamwork, and more. In other words, we need to laugh, but we don’t seem to do enough of it lately, particularly in the office where we really need it.

I tend to see humor as a reflection of our moral values; what is considered risque is usually based on some moral taboo. Take comedians Buddy Hackett and Don Rickles for example; Hackett told some rather bawdy jokes that could make some people blush, as did Joan Rivers, and Rickles would make fun of your race, age, weight, language, IQ, etc. Everybody used to love these people and it would be Standing Room Only in Las Vegas to see them. Such comedy though is gone, and nobody would dare try to replicate their acts today as they would be perceived as racists, anti-feminists, and just plain crass.

Consider how Saturday Night Live has changed over the years. Whereas they were originally known for some imaginative avant garde humor that was hilarious, now it is nothing more than cheap political jokes. Late Night Talk Shows are no different.

As a kid, I loved the Sunday funnies and read every strip. But the funnies aren’t too funny anymore and the creativity of a Charles Schultz, Walt Kelly, Al Capp, Gary Larson, and Bill Watterson is long gone.

More than anything, I miss hearing a good joke. Today, when I visit one of the non-profit groups I belong to, the younger members will ask me to tell some of the jokes I heard from my travels through the corporate world. They may be ancient to me, some as old as 40 years, but in today’s society where jokes are generally frowned upon, they are new to the next generation and they love it.

Let me see if I can give you an example, this is one I heard from a neighbor years ago (I have to clean it up a little):

One day, an elementary school teacher was trying to teach some lessons of morality. She asked the class, “Can anyone tell me a story which leads to a moral lesson?”

Little Betsy raised her hand and said, “I can teacher. Not long ago I was visiting my grandparents’ farm in the country. They asked me to collect the eggs in the hen house and bring them inside. I collected all of them and put them in a basket. However, I accidentally tripped and dropped the basket, breaking all of the eggs in the process.”

“And what was the lesson learned there?” the teacher asked.

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” Betsy replied.

“That’s very good Betsy, that is the type of story I’m looking for. Is there anyone else?”

Little Sally raised her hand and said, “I have somewhat of a similar story. I was visiting a friend recently who had an incubator with twelve chicken eggs in it. We watched in amazement as they all began to hatch. Unfortunately, my friend tripped over the power cord causing the incubator to turn over, break the eggs, and kill all of the chickens.”

“And what was the lesson learned there?” the teacher asked.

“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch,” Sally said.

“Very good. Has anyone else got a story with a moral they would like to share?”

“I do teacher,” little Eddie said as he waved his hand. “My Uncle John was a pilot in Viet Nam during the war. One day he was flying a cargo mission and was shot down by the North Vietnamese. He crash landed in the jungle, and was only able to save his M60 machine gun, a machete, and a case of beer stored on the aircraft. He hid out in the jungle hoping a chopper would pick him up. After he had finished drinking all of the beer, he was discovered by the Viet Cong who attacked him. In defense, he took out his M60 and killed fifty of them. When he ran out of bullets, he used his machete to kill fifteen more, and when his blade broke, he killed five more with his bare hands.”

The teacher looked ashen at little Eddie reeling from his tale. She stammered, “And what…what…what is the moral of that story?” she asked.

“You don’t screw with my Uncle John when he’s drunk.”

Yea, I know, the joke is not politically correct and appears to be insensitive to life, but it has also resulted in gales of laughter both yesterday and today. It also illustrates how our sense of humor has changed.

Frankly, we need to loosen up a bit and quit taking ourselves too seriously.

Fortunately, there are still some sources of humor, but you have to sniff them out. Here are some different video segments and television commercials I have enjoyed over the last few years. I am sure most are now considered politically incorrect.

Key & Peele – Substitute Teacher

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

Bud Lite Dog

Bud Lite History

Bud Lite Invisible Fence

Bud Lite Institute

Captain Morgan Spiced Rum

Hahn Beer

Haynes Baked Beans

Sony

Trunk Monkey

Verizon – Yes, Yes

As Larry the Cable Guy would say, “I’m sorry, but that’s just plain funny.”

Come on, snap out of it and LAUGH!

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2018 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

Posted in humor | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

MY HIGHWAY PARANOIA

Posted by Tim Bryce on February 21, 2018

BRYCE ON TRAFFIC

– What happens when we do not cooperate on the highway.

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To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

You do not see much in the way of cooperation these days. Socially and politically we cannot seem to get along any more. We see this in the office, in stores, and particularly in supermarkets where we are not mindful of others and hog the aisles to serve our own personal interests. I still believe painting a dashed line down the middle of the aisles would be an interesting experiment to see if people would keep their grocery carts on one side or the other.

There is perhaps no better illustration of our lack of cooperation than on the highway. We have gone well beyond mere road hogs and rubber-neckers to now include people text messaging, speaking on their phone, checking their social media postings, shaving or fixing their hair. In other words, doing everything but driving their automobile properly. It’s all about the individual and actually quite frightening. The biggest problem though is people give the impression they simply do not care and refuse to cooperate with other motorists, such as to allow others to enter traffic, to stay out of the passing lane until you need it, not going too slow or fast thereby becoming a hazard, and many other things.

The lack of cooperation on the highway is so prevalent, I’m starting to believe there is a premeditated effort to keep me off the streets. As I drive around, I believe the other motorists are in constant communications over the radio and trying to thwart my every move. For example:

* Tsst – “Breaker, breaker, subject has left his neighborhood and is heading eastbound on Alderman. All units Code 2.”

* Tsst – “Copy that. Road Block 1 is rolling and taking position in front of him. Road Block 2 will come along side to box him in. We’ll slow him down to 25.”

* Tsst – “This is Dispatch – Road Block 2, play your radio loud, preferably Rap, and make sure he sees you texting, that should really push him over the edge.”

* Tsst – “10-4.”

* Tsst – “This is Dispatch – We’re changing the traffic lights in front of him to red. How long should he wait?”

* Tsst – “At least six minutes, make it ten if possible.”

* Tsst – “10-4.”

* Tsst – “Breaker, breaker 10-33. The subject suddenly slipped into the left turning lane and will be heading north bound on US19. We are stuck and must continue east on Alderman to avoid suspicion. Need assistance. Urgent”

* Tsst – “This is Big Red over in the northeast corner of 19 and Alderman. I see him and will intercept. Will need backup to keep him in the right lane.”

* Tsst – “This is Dispatch, Over to you Big Red and thanks for the assist. Road Block 6 is taking up position one quarter mile north of you, dressed as an elderly couple and bearing Ontario plates. They will box him in and force him over to the next School Bus stop.”

* Tsst – “But it’s Sunday, over.”

* Tsst – “Not to worry. He won’t know what hit him.”

* Tsst – “This is Big Red, it looks like the subject has spotted us and is speeding away from our blockade. Please advise.”

* Tsst – “This is Dispatch, I have a Rice Burner on the way that will overtake him and force him to the middle lane where we’ll get him back under control.”

* Tsst – “Rice Burner X here. I have the subject in my sights. I have to weave through traffic to catch him. Doing 90. One moment please.”

* Tsst – “Rice Burner X again, I just about had him, but he suddenly pulled a u-turn and is now heading southbound on 19… Wait, it looks like he is heading to a Chili’s Restaurant.”

* Tsst – “This is Dispatch. Good, then we’ve got him. Execute Plan P and fill up the parking lot so he cannot stop there. Good job everyone. We got him again.”

* Tsst – (Various rounds of congratulatory remarks are made).

Some people will say I’m being much too paranoid about driving, but I contend the lack of cooperation on the highways is such that there can be no other logical explanation for the driving habits of a lot of people. Just remember, next time you hit the road and start to experience trouble with your fellow motorists, look to see if they are on their radios and take evasive action accordingly. TSST!

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2018 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

Posted in humor, Transportation | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

DOING WHAT IS RIGHT WILL KILL YOU

Posted by Tim Bryce on February 14, 2018

BRYCE ON HEALTH

– File this under “The Nuances of Life.”

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I am convinced if you did everything people told you to do to maintain a healthy lifestyle you would never get anything done. For example, exercise consumes a lot of time, whether it is performed in your house or offsite at a gym. Since I elect to go to the gym, I find I must change clothes, travel to it’s location, work out, return home, clean up and change clothes. No matter how I try to expedite the process, it’s an easy hour shot.

Playing a round of golf, going for a walk or a ride on a bicycle may be fun, but it also chews up time and zaps your energy. I recently took a sauna, something I haven’t done in a long time. It was refreshing, but I had to change clothes and wait for the unit to warm up. Afterwards I had to take a shower, my second of the day, to clean myself properly before going out for the evening. Again, another hour shot.

Buying and consuming certain groceries and vitamin pills consumes time as well. We’re admonished to eat organically. As much as we would like to avoid preservatives, fatty foods, breads and pastas, and sweets, it can become challenging to find new and creative ways to make meals. Shopping takes longer, as does cooking.

You try to avoid the boob tube and do some reading, but interferences seem to get in the way. Consequently, it seems to take longer to read a book.

Smoking and alcohol can take up quite a lot of time. As I no longer smoke or consume much alcohol, except for the occasional Scotch, I would like to think I have more free time to relax. Instead, I find myself spending more time outside pruning bushes or digging up a garden.

I’ve been so good lately in terms of watching what I eat and drink, I’m ready to scream, rip off my clothes, pound down a case of beer and eat a dozen Twinkies. Doing the right thing all the time can drive you stark raving mad. And if I did so, I would probably get a lot done as opposed to worrying about the idiosyncrasies of my health.

My luck is such that if I remain incredibly healthy, from exercise and diet, I’m more likely to be run over by a truck. At my funeral I’m sure they’ll say, “Well, at least he looks good, but he should have laid off the red meat.” You can’t win.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2018 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

Posted in Healthcare, humor | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A LITTLE SILLY

Posted by Tim Bryce on December 15, 2017

BRYCE ON LIFE

– Why we need a light hearted distraction now and then.

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There’s not too much to laugh about these days; the country is still polarized politically, and the main stream media has the general populace whipped into a frenzy over just about everything. In fact, the general disposition of the country is rather depressing, which is why it is refreshing to see or hear something that lifts our spirits, something a little silly. As for me, not long ago I was waiting in line at my bank’s drive-in window when a man drove up on a red motorcycle whom I judged to be in his sixties. This was no ordinary motorcycle as it had an attached sidecar with a golden retriever proudly perched inside wearing goggles and a red bandana. It appeared the dog was enjoying himself immensely and didn’t seem encumbered by the attire his owner had dressed him in. The sight of the dog stopped everyone in their tracks, both in and outside of the bank. The bank tellers called their colleagues to the window to see him, and the other patrons waiting in line rolled down their window to get a better look. He was simply a very cool pooch who seemed to enjoy the attention, as did his master.

This particular couple have become regulars in our area and are often seen on the roadways around Palm Harbor, a tiny community on the suncoast of Florida. Everywhere the two go, they are met by smiles and pointed fingers. They lift the spirits of people wherever they go. Golden retrievers are pretty cool dogs to begin with, but when you add goggles and a bandana, they become real hams. It’s as if they know what they’re doing and are daring you not to laugh. I’ve seen other types of dogs sitting in sidecars, but the golden retriever seems to own it, particularly if he is dressed properly.

Now, more than ever we need a little silly in our lives. Walking around in a depressed or angry mood can make for some rather deep psychological scars. It is important to now and then do something a little silly thereby lifting the mood of others and ourselves. I believe our friend with the motorcycle is very cognizant of this, which is why the pair take to the streets like Batman and Robin to bring a little cheer to the citizens of our area. We don’t know exactly who the Dynamic Duo are, as their goggles conceal their identity, but they are warmly welcomed wherever they go. It’s a nice little silly that can break the tension regardless of who you are or the problems you are experiencing. For one brief moment, you cannot help by being distracted, thanks to a little silly.

First published: September 14, 2012

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2017 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Also read Tim’s columns in the THE HUFFINGTON POST

NEXT UP:  WHERE DOES YOUR TIME GO? – How it adds up.

LAST TIME:  WHY DO OPPOSITES ATTRACT?  – Good question and something that has puzzled us from time immemorial.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

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EXPLAINING JACK BENNY

Posted by Tim Bryce on April 7, 2017

BRYCE ON COMEDY

– And his lesson of teamwork.

Click for AUDIO VERSION.
To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

Recently, I attended a dinner in downtown St. Petersburg. I invited a young man I knew to accompany me to introduce him to some people for networking purposes. At age 25, he had already finished a hitch in the Army and served in both Iraq and Afghanistan and was now starting his professional career. As we drove home, we discussed the after dinner speaker who had made a reference to Jack Benny, the legendary comedian of yesteryear. My young friend innocently asked, “Who is Jack Benny?”

Not thinking of his age, I said, “You remember, he had his own show for a number of years; had Rochester as his butler, Mel Blank, Dennis Day, Don Wilson, Phil Harris, and his wife, Mary Livingstone; he sold Jello; his car was a Maxwell; ‘Your money or your life’; his basement vault guarded by “Ed,” an ancient sentry; the Si-Sie-Sue bit, etc. Remember?”

“No sir, I’m afraid not,” and he looked at me blankly. It was only then when I realized how young my friend was and how much older I had become. I spent the remainder of our drive home trying to explain Jack Benny to him which I found rather difficult to someone unfamiliar with Jack’s gentle style. Today it is common for comics to be crude, vulgar, and “In your face.” Benny was certainly more refined and presented himself as a gentleman which is something young people have trouble relating to today. His good friend George Burns referred to him as a “Quiet Riot.”

Over the years, Jack cultivated an image as being a spendthrift (cheap), vain, and a pitiful violinist. So much so, his writers had to only suggest a situation and the audience would be conditioned to laugh immediately, as if a button had been pushed. His walk, his ability to stare down someone, and play the dupe for his guests, would naturally result in gales of laughter. It wasn’t “what” Jack said that was funny, it was his persona and his predictable reaction to certain situations, such as picking up a check at a restaurant, purchasing Christmas gifts, guessing his age, or receiving a compliment. To illustrate, Jack’s biggest laugh came on April 25, 1948 when Dorothy Kirsten was the guest on his show, a famous soprano opera star of the day. During the show, his announcer, Don Wilson, strikes up a conversation with Miss Kirsten regarding opera. Listening to them was Jack and Mary Livingstone who played his girlfriend (his wife in real life):

Don Wilson: “Oh, Miss Kirsten, I wanted to tell you that I saw you in “Madame Butterfly” Wednesday afternoon, and I thought your performance was simply magnificent.”

Dorothy Kirsten: “Well, thanks, awfully. It’s awfully nice and kind of you, Mr. Wilson. But, uh, who could help singing Puccini? It’s so expressive. And particularly in the last act, starting with the allegro vivacissimo.”

Don Wilson: “Well, now, that’s being very modest, Miss Kirsten. But not every singer has the necessary bel canto and flexibility or range to cope with the high tessitura of the first act.”

Dorothy Kirsten: “Thank you, Mr. Wilson. And don’t you think that in the aria, “Un bel dì vedremo”, that the strings played the con molto passione exceptionally fine and with great sostenuto?”

Jack Benny: “Well, I thought…”

Mary Livingstone (to Jack): “Oh, shut up!”

This resulted in a huge laugh from the audience, not because of what Jack said, but because the audience was sensitive to his character. During this operatic dissertation, the audience knows Jack has to somehow butt in and add his two cents, but they don’t know how he can possibly contribute to the pretentious conversation, which is why Mary shuts him down immediately. Youth has trouble comprehending this type of humor, probably because it doesn’t exist anymore. When you think about it, Jack is the straight man in this skit and the butt of the joke. By himself he wasn’t funny, but because of his persona, people find such a situation hilarious. Please keep in mind, this was all done on the radio, not on television, that’s how strong his persona was.

The Benny show was in the top ten for a number of years, both on radio and later on television. Jack’s genius was not so much his own personal comedy, but his ability to orchestrate an entire show. It was common for him to afford his guests more laughs than himself, even if he had to be the butt of the joke. He would always heap praise on his writers, his regulars, and everyone else. When asked why he was so generous, he said he didn’t want people to tune in just to see him personally, but rather they should tune in to see “The Benny Show.” He was very cognizant of the power of teamwork in the cutthroat entertainment industry. It wasn’t about him, it was about the show, and Benny laughed all the way to the bank as a result.

Benny had come up the hard way and paid his dues in the entertainment industry. He was one of the few people who had been successful in Vaudeville, radio, television, motion pictures, and the stage, not to mention his music which generated considerable amounts of money for charity.

Jack has been gone for over 42 years now and, without a doubt, comedy has changed considerably since his passing. I can appreciate bawdy humor, but I certainly do not want to be subjected to incessant expletives and vulgarity. There is nothing wrong with a little dignity and class which, frankly, I consider to be more cerebral. That was Jack Benny, a “Quiet Riot.”

Also published in The Huffington Post.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2017 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Also read Tim’s columns in the THE HUFFINGTON POST

NEXT UP:  THE AMERICAN HEALTH CARE ACT; HERE WE GO AGAIN – It looks like history is going to repeat itself.

LAST TIME:  OH! WHAT A LOVELY WAR  – In just two months, we have gone well beyond just a war of words.

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; KIT-AM (1280) in Yakima, Washington “The Morning News” with hosts Dave Ettl & Lance Tormey (weekdays. 6:00-9:00am Pacific). Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

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CLEANING MY SOCK DRAWER

Posted by Tim Bryce on February 10, 2017

BRYCE ON LIFE

– What I found 25 years later or “How to upset the sock gods.”

(Click for AUDIO VERSION)
To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

I recently cleaned out my sock drawer. Guys typically don’t like to clean out such drawers and I am no exception. The reason for cleaning it was because I recently bought some new socks and discovered I had trouble stuffing them into the drawer. I believe the last time I did so was 25 years ago when we first bought the dresser.

It’s interesting what you find when cleaning out a sock draw, it is akin to an archaeological dig. I discovered I had over 40 different socks, none of which matched. This got me wondering where their mates were. Perhaps they were consumed by the washing machine or dryer as part of some demonic sacrificial rite. 40+ socks though is a lot and I cannot imagine who would want them or what they would do with them as individual oddities. I always considered my socks unique and do not believe they could be confused for those worn by my children. So there either must be a sock heaven or sock thief loose in the house.

As I picked through the socks in the drawer I was reminded of the many different types and colors I wore over the last quarter century. The oldest ones were long and came way up my shin, almost to the knee. They may seem awkward today but at the time they were comfortable and effective for covering any exposed flesh between the bottom of your trousers and your shoes. I had others with various bands of elastic to hold them up. Some had lost all elasticity and were rather droopy which is probably why I neglected them. By today’s standards, several socks looked rather strange and archaic. I suspect I would look like a spaz wearing them, and probably twenty years ago as well.

Most of the socks were either black, dark brown, or navy blue, but I also had some lighter colors which, in hindsight, probably made me look like a used car salesman. Fortunately, I didn’t have a white belt or shoes to accompany them. I learned my lesson wearing light colored socks and have stayed with darker colors in recent times.

I felt a little guilty cleaning out the drawer. My first inclination was to say, “But what if we finally find the mates?” I also had a fleeting notion they would make good dust rags, but my wife wanted no part of them. Finally, I came to my senses and purged all of the orphans into the garbage can thereby leaving only my new socks in the drawer all neatly paired up. I felt a sense of satisfaction for finally cleaning out something that was well overdue. My satisfaction was short lived though; about two weeks after cleaning out the drawer I happened to notice a new single sock sitting alone without its mate. My guess is that I had upset the sock Gods who demanded another sacrifice, either that or my wife is deliberately trying to drive me insane. Either way, I give up. It will be more than 25 years before I try to clean out a sock drawer again. Maybe some things are best left undone.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2017 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Also read Tim’s columns in the THE HUFFINGTON POST

NEXT UP:  IN PRAISE OF MENTORING PROGRAMS – Once almost extinct, mentoring programs are making a comeback.

LAST TIME:  WHAT THE MARCH ON WASHINGTON WAS ALL ABOUT  – It is much more than just female rights.

Listen to Tim on News Talk Florida (WWBA 820 AM), WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; KIT-AM (1280) in Yakima, Washington “The Morning News” with hosts Dave Ettl & Lance Tormey (weekdays. 6:00-9:00am Pacific). Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

Posted in humor, Life | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »