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Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

CHECK HER TEETH

Posted by Tim Bryce on July 10, 2017

BRYCE ON LIFE

– Do your homework before you make an important decision in a relationship.

Click for AUDIO VERSION.
To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

Over the years I have had the pleasure of watching several fine young men grow into adulthood. Inevitably, they become serious about a woman and consider marriage. On more than one occasion I have been asked what they should be looking for in a woman, e.g., a potentially good mother, cook, sex partner, or whatever. I flippantly advise them to “check her teeth,” which is an expression I picked up from a horse trainer years ago. Now, please, I do not mean any disrespect to women by this remark. In fact, I recommend the same thing to young women considering a husband, “check his teeth.”

I was advised by the trainer that you should, of course, review the animal’s papers, check it with your hands, study how it walks and rides, see how it responds to the human voice, and inspect its hooves, but checking the teeth says a lot about the health and treatment of the horse. In other words, carefully study the animal before you buy it. We should do anything of substance likewise, be it an automobile, a boat, or a major appliance or piece of equipment. Too often people become enamored with the advertising sizzle and overlook the actual state of the object and end up with something they regret later on.

The same is true in marriage. Too often people overlook deficiencies in the other person and becoming preoccupied with the other person’s sexual prowess or money. Only later do they realize they should have done some more checking on the other person and some soul-searching. The divorce courts are littered with millions of couples who didn’t do their homework properly and paid dearly for it.

Over in the Middle East, Saudi men can still practice polygamy, whereby they can have as many as five wives; one as his principal or senior wife, one to do the cooking, one to do the cleaning or to teach, one to raise the children, and one for sexual pleasures. The wives don’t always get along with each other which is why the man may have to pay for multiple houses for his different wives to live in, which sounds like a pretty high price to pay for a man not being able to make up his mind.

In this country, we practice monogamous relationships, at least we’re supposed to in marriage. In most marriage vows, we promise to love, honor and obey until death do us part, which implies marriage is for a long time. Unfortunately, there seems to be fewer people these days who take this obligation seriously and change partners like they change clothes. Then again, I guess this stimulates the economy as it keeps a lot of attorneys, judges and law clerks gainfully employed.

We would have a lot fewer divorces in this country if we just took the time to study some teeth. Maybe the expression “look before you leap” would be more appropriate, but I have found “check his/her teeth” makes a more indelible impression on the young person.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

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Copyright © 2017 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Also read Tim’s columns in the THE HUFFINGTON POST

NEXT UP:  UNDERSTANDING CREDIT SCORES – You would be wise to keep track of yours.

LAST TIME:  ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY  – Why should I pay for somebody else’s mistakes?

Listen to Tim on WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; KIT-AM (1280) in Yakima, Washington “The Morning News” with hosts Dave Ettl & Lance Tormey (weekdays. 6:00-9:00am Pacific). Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube. Click for TIM’S LIBRARY OF AUDIO CLIPS.

 

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Posted in Life, Marriage | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

MARRIAGE: IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO

Posted by Tim Bryce on August 21, 2015

BRYCE ON MARRIAGE

– Like the Tango, marriage can be a thing of beauty if you and your partner are in synch.

(Click for AUDIO VERSION)
To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

After seeing so many marriages end in divorce, you cannot help but wonder why couples get married in the first place. Maybe they see it as some kind of legal permission slip to do nothing more than to have sex. If so, that seems to be rather shallow thinking to me. I tend to believe most people get married to quell the biological clock in their heads to reproduce. Under this scenario, husband and wife are doomed to failure after their mission has been fulfilled. There are probably dozens of reasons for getting divorced, but regardless, I think most people go into marriage with impractical expectations and hidden incompatibilities that are slow to surface.

Perhaps the biggest misconception about marriage is that it is easy; that by simply getting married all of your difficulties you experienced as a single person will somehow disappear. Hardly. If anything, your problems are only beginning as you have to learn to live with a new person unfamiliar with your customs, mannerisms, and lifestyle. I have yet to meet the couple who was perfectly compatible at the time of taking their marriage vows. Regardless of how long you may have lived with someone prior to marriage, you really don’t know the person until it becomes “legal.”

A lot of people fail to grasp that marriage is a partnership. This disturbs me greatly. With me, I have always compared it to the Tango. It involves forming a team which works together towards common goals and objectives, until we learn to dance as one. True, each person has their own unique duties and responsibilities, but to make such a partnership work, it is necessary for some give and take which some people can accept and adapt to, while others cannot. This means you cannot always do the things you did unilaterally when you were single. Now you must consider and consult your partner. Like any business venture, you must do what is best for both parties, not just one. This is the part of marriage most people do not understand. Any time one party ignores or excludes consideration for the other, the marriage is doomed.

If you have any doubt whatsoever about getting married, don’t do it. You must go into it with both eyes wide open and possess a genuine willingness to try to work together. Anything less will inevitably result in either an unhappy marriage or a nasty divorce.

So, my only advice to young people considering marriage, always be cognizant of the expression, “It takes two to Tango.” If you do it right, it can be a thing of beauty.

Originally published: June 28, 2010

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:  timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2015 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

NEXT UP:  MUSIC IN THE WORKPLACE – Using music to adjust the tempo and mood. – Using music to adjust the tempo and mood.

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Listen to Tim on WJTN-AM (News Talk 1240) “The Town Square” with host John Siggins (Mon, Wed, Fri, 12:30-3:00pm Eastern); WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; and KIT-AM 1280 in Yakima, Washington “The Morning News” with hosts Dave Ettl & Lance Tormey (weekdays. 6:00-9:00am Pacific). Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube.

Posted in Life, Marriage | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

ENGAGING YOUR WORKERS

Posted by Tim Bryce on May 20, 2015

BRYCE ON MANAGEMENT

– How to inspire and motivate the work force.

(Click for AUDIO VERSION)
To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

In March of this year, Gallup produced a study titled, “Companies Are Maximizing Only 5% of Their Workforces.” In it, they contend companies are only engaging their workers by a paltry 5%. This should raise the eyebrows of managers and executives everywhere. It means they are failing to challenge their workers in finding meaning in their work thereby inhibiting motivation to excel.

Gallup studied three attributes of workers; their tenure on the job, how laborious they worked, and whether they are placed in jobs aligned with their talents. One of the key observations they made is those who have been with their company a long time tend to lose their motivation and enthusiasm for the job. In short, they stagnate. They do just enough to get by. Some even form grudges which undermines the company whenever possible. This obviously influences junior workers who may adopt similar attitudes. Gallup also discovered people were not matched to job assignments based on their skills, meaning they were less effective since they didn’t possess the proper talents or experience to perform their assigned work.

Some believe financial incentives are the only way to encourage workers to accelerate performance. Money is a nice cattle prod, but it is only a short term solution. If the workers do not have the proper skills or interests, performance improvements will be minimal. And as we all know, working harder is not working smarter.

Instead, some fundamental changes are required, such as:

1. Evaluate employee performance, through a standard review process. Perhaps some counseling or additional training is in order. Also consider reassigning the employee or charging him/her with new work assignments. Your mission is to change the worker’s outlook on both his/her job and the company overall. As an aside, use this opportunity to determine the true leaders of your work force and build on them.

2. Assess the corporate culture, both in terms of physical surroundings, as well as logical dimensions. A fresh coat of paint can work wonders, not to mention such things as furniture, tools and equipment, even a revised dress code. Studies have shown that employees respond positively to such changes. It is like saying, “You are important and we are making an investment in you.” Logical considerations include such intangibles as management style and general operating policies. The following is a set of suggestions to study this:

– The manager’s perspective on employees; e.g., smart versus dumb, hard workers versus lazy, trustworthy versus suspicious.

– Does the manager play favorites or treats everyone equally? This may indicate a political environment. The intent is to determine if the manager promotes teamwork or rugged individualism.

– How does the manager run his/her operations; e.g., clean and orderly versus sloppy, workers are dressed appropriately for the job or not, do workers properly socialize and practice common courtesy, etc.

– Do workers respect the boss or are they in fear of him, or do they simply ignore him (indicating a complete lack of respect for authority and skills)?

– Employee records on tardiness and absenteeism can be used to denote the perspective of workers on the job. Also consider errors in workmanship, customer complaints, and violations of corporate policies. By doing so, the interests and ethics of the work force will emerge.

3. Manage from the bottom-up; empower the workers as opposed to micromanaging them (theory X). This means delegating responsibility and forcing workers to supervise themselves as opposed to supervising their every move. This Theory Y form of management provides workers with a sense of ownership and pride in their work. The manager’s role then becomes one of expediting problems. It also means workers are treated as professionals which contributes to their sense of self-worth.

4. Develop a Skills Inventory and assess workers skills and proficiencies as applied to their current job. This will facilitate the selection of the right worker for the right job assessment. It will also indicate if additional training and certification is required. Frankly, I cannot imagine a major company in the 21st century who is not making use of a skills inventory.

These simple, common sense techniques are fundamental to sound management practices. It’s not about counting beans, it’s a matter of understanding the human dynamics of the business, a skill we have seemed to lost in the 21st century.

I found the Gallup poll to be most illuminating. If anything, it tells us more about managers as opposed to workers. The title of the study though is a misnomer. Instead, it should have been titled, “Only 5% of managers know how to maximize their Workforces.” A very scary figure.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2015 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

NEXT UP:  BASEBALL: THE LOVE OF THE GAME – It is a great game.

LAST TIME:  THE POWER OF PRAYER  – Does it really work?

Listen to Tim on WJTN-AM (News Talk 1240) “The Town Square” with host John Siggins (Mon, Wed, Fri, 12:30-3:00pm Eastern); WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; and KIT-AM 1280 in Yakima, Washington “The Morning News” with hosts Dave Ettl & Lance Tormey (weekdays. 6:00-9:00am Pacific). Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube.

Posted in Business, Marriage | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

MATRIMONIAL TERRITORIALISM

Posted by Tim Bryce on February 28, 2014

BRYCE ON MARRIAGE

– Knowing one’s boundaries is always a smart move.

(Click for AUDIO VERSION)
To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

I’ve been married for over a quarter of a century now. This doesn’t necessarily qualify me as an expert in marriage, but I have learned a couple of things along the way. For example, the marriages that have endured over the years seem to be those based on situations where the couple have learned to compromise on a variety of things, such as food, music, sleep, driving, work, relaxation, conversation, family, religion; the list is actually quite extensive. In other words, there is a lot of give and take until the couple finds common ground in terms of their values and living habits. When this happens, the couple works more like teammates than as two individuals trapped in a relationship. If the couple can’t find the fulcrum, it’s just a matter of time before they are divorced.

As part of the compromise process, married couples unknowingly establish territories within the home. You won’t find the boundaries written on any map, but they are there nonetheless. To illustrate, garages, basements and attics are typically the domain of the husband, whereby things are maintained and organized in accordance with his wishes. Of course, the wife is welcome to visit the territory, but if she tries to reorganize it, she is met with stubborn resistance from the husband. Conversely, if the man decides to reorganize the bedroom, living room or kitchen, it is highly likely he will be met by Attila the Hun.

Bathrooms tend to be neutral territories as they tend to be shared. If bathrooms are separated for him and her though, then all bets are off and you have to have a visa to be granted entrance. The same is true with closets. Hallway closets tend to be open to the public, but personal closets requires an armed escort.

As long as the couple understands their territory and respects the borders accordingly, harmony will prevail in the household. If not, all Hell will break lose. So, as important as compromise is in establishing a successful marriage, an inherent part of it is knowing the boundaries of your relationship. It is better to live with a partner who knows and respects the boundaries of the territories as opposed to an invader who crosses them.

Originally published: 10/28/2008

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:
timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2014 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

NEXT UP:  YOUTH WILL HAVE ITS DAY – Some disturbing social trends I have trouble understanding.

LAST TIME:  CRAFTSMANSHIP IS A STATE OF MIND  – It is also a universally applicable concept.

Listen to Tim on WJTN-AM (News Talk 1240) “The Town Square” with host John Siggins (Mon, Wed, Fri, 12:30-3:00pm Eastern), KIT-AM 1280 in Yakima, Washington “The Morning News” with hosts Dave Ettl & Lance Tormey (weekdays. 6:00-9:00am Pacific), and KGAB-AM (650) of Cheyenne, Wyoming. Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube.

Posted in Marriage | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

FINDING A MATE

Posted by Tim Bryce on November 9, 2012

BRYCE ON LIFE

– Dating and matchmaking as another casualty of technology.

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To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

I’ve been married to the same lovely lady for over 30 years now and if something were to happen to us, I don’t think I would ever re-marry. Been there, done that. Not everyone shares my view though and desperately needs to be attached to someone. My wife and I originally met in high school, one of about five couples from our class who married their sweetheart. Others found their mate in college, others at work, or in the locale where they lived. During the 1970’s, it was common to cruise the discos in search of love or whatever. In a way, it was reminiscent of SNL’s The Festrunk Brothers (Czech Brothers) routine. There certainly was a lot of polyester back then. Disco though had a short life, thank God, and the bar scene was the predominant means to meet the opposite sex. This lifestyle could be rather expensive and lead to alcoholism and other problems, but it was what it was.

Today it’s much different. People rarely socialize in group settings, dancing has diminished greatly, and people are stuck staring at their computer screens or texting on their smart phones. The bar scene is still active but not like it once was. For years, there were “Personal” columns in the newspapers for lonely people to find others. In order to save a nickle or two, a shorthand was used in the personals to describe people and their interests, such as: SWM, DWF, BMF, etc. The “personals” are still around of course, but the predominant means now is to seek companionship through social media on the Internet. Instead of writing and waiting for personals to appear in print, Internet dating services are the venue du jour. This is another example of how we are sacrificing socialization for speed and efficiency. People seem to prefer the Internet for their matchmaking as they can read the background and qualifications of a person, and see their photo. It also provides some pretty impressive sorting features in order to assemble a list of potential candidates.

If you are on the dating scene, you know there is now an extensive list of dating sites available to you. The big guns seem to be:

Match.com

eHarmony

Perfect Match

Plenty of Fish

Interestingly, newer sites have been introduced based on your religious inclination, for example:

Christian Mingle

JDate – Jewish singles

Single Muslims

Even ethnic dating sites are now available:

Black Singles

Latino Singles

Asian Singles

And there is one tailored to seniors as well:

Senior People Meet

There are so many dating sites now, you can find one for just about any religion, ethnic background, or city and state. However, I struck out when I searched for Lithuanian singles who are with the Salvation Army. I guess there are still limitations.

I have met subscribers to these on-line dating services who tell me these venues are “snake pits” (their words) where people want to live in Fantasy Land. There seems to be a lot of people who want to travel to Europe, walk on the beach, drive around in luxury cars, eat at fine restaurants, or sip wine on the back of a yacht. They want someone else to pay for it of course. Unfortunately, there’s no mention of fiscal responsibility.

Then there is “Speed Dating,” a relatively new concept where men and women circulate in an organized manner whereby they are given a few scant minutes to meet and quickly determine if they find someone suitable for dating. I guess this was inevitable for a technology induced go-go world. We used to do something similar when we went dancing years ago. It wasn’t quite as structured as “Speed Dating,” but I think it was a lot more fun.

In bygone times, if you were single, your choices were either the bar scene, neighborhood parties, church groups, work, or you would have a friend or relative on the lookout for a suitable match for you. I’m not saying this worked any better than today, but I suspect it was more interesting. Today there are professional matchmakers who earn a rather handsome amount of money by teaming people up.

Despite all of the technological advancements we have made, dating and matchmaking is still a rough sport. People of both sexes agonize on finding the right man or woman. Even with these slick Internet based dating services, it remains difficult to find a suitable match. Rarely does the person live up to their photo or description on the dating site. What I find particularly comical about all this though is after a couple has finally secured a date, they go to a restaurant, sit down, order their drinks and meal, then spend the rest of the evening checking their text messages.

God how I miss the 20th century.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:
timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2012 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

 

NEXT UP:  DETECTING SYSTEM DEFICIENCIES – It’s actually not too difficult to spot weaknesses in your systems.

Listen to Tim on WJTN-AM (News Talk 1240) “The Town Square” with host John Siggins (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, (12:30-3:00pm).

Also look for Tim’s postings in the Palm Harbor Patch, The Gentlemen’s Association, and throughout the Internet.

Posted in Life, Marriage, Society | Tagged: , , , , | 6 Comments »

WHY DO OPPOSITES ATTRACT?

Posted by Tim Bryce on September 28, 2012

BRYCE ON OUR CHANGING WORLD

– Good question and something that has puzzled us from time immemorial.

(Click for AUDIO VERSION)

To use this segment in a Radio broadcast or Podcast, send TIM a request.

On a recent trip to work one morning I was tuned into a local radio talk show. One of the DJ’s mentioned he happened to be married to a vegan, yet he was a confirmed meat eater. The other two DJ’s sharing the microphone with him found this amusing, as did I, and they asked him what life was like living with a vegan, particularly at dinner time. Somehow they found a way to avoid squabbles and respect each other’s culinary preferences. One didn’t intrude on the other, and they have lived happily together for quite some time.

I am always intrigued by couples who appear to be incompatible on the surface, yet somehow find a way to build a successful marriage. I have seen tall people marry short people, fat and thin, wild versus mild, mixed religions, mixed races, and mixed politics. As to the latter, there is probably no better example than political pundits James Carville (Democrat) and Mary Matalin (Republican) who were married in 1993 and have two daughters. Even though they worked on opposing political campaigns, they somehow found the right chemistry to make their marriage work. This particular union has puzzled people for years, particularly due to their different personalities. When they appear on television, Carville is very animated and chatty, and Matalin appears more sedate and thoughtful. Both have strong personalities in their own right. When they appear on television together, they make it clear they do not agree on several political issues and try to correct each other, which can be rather amusing to watch. As I understand it though, politics is a taboo subject at home, particularly around their children. As an aside, I wonder if this political odd couple votes at election time since they will undoubtedly cancel each other out.

Then there are the law-abiding citizens who marry convicts while incarcerated. I never did quite understand this; a spouse who is free on the outside and a convicted criminal on the inside, never having physical contact or living together. Even people committing some of the most heinous crimes seem to score well from within the walls of prison. Maybe there is sex appeal in the forbidden fruit of a mass murderer, or maybe they’re just plain nuts. Somehow I have a hard time grasping death row as a lover’s lane.

How the opposite ends of a magnet are attracted is easier to explain than human compatibility. Scientists have a lot of theories for the attraction of people, but no conclusive facts. There are those who believe it is based on a biological and chemical arousal whereby people are attracted by scent which somehow matches the female’s hormonal status. This would suggest it’s all in the DNA. Then there are those who believe it is based on complementary psychological makeups, or maybe based on some astrological compatibility where the stars must be in some specific alignment.

As for me, I don’t buy any of this. Frankly, I’m not sure what it is that makes another person float your boat. Maybe it’s physical, maybe it’s logical. I tend to believe there is some specific element of the other person we find intriguing, and realizing they are complete opposites, we tend to work harder at building and maintaining a relationship than those people who are much more compatible. Keep in mind, there has to be more “give and take” in a marriage of opposites as opposed to those who are evenly matched. They have to work harder if they want to sustain it. A relationship of opposites will be obviously more challenging than a compatible relationship which will likely be more sedate. I guess some people thrive on a challenge, and some do not.

Maybe the only way this can be proven is by studying the duration of marriages and divorce rates of compatible couples versus polar opposites. Wouldn’t it be interesting if the opposite couples were more successful? Keep in mind, Carville and Matalin have now been married for 19 years, and it certainly couldn’t be due to their politics. In 2009, the two were interviewed by CNN’s John King who asked them how to maintain a happy marriage:

Carville: “I don’t have a position on anything domestically. So I just say yes, and then go on and do it. I mean it. I would say the three ingredients to successful marriage is surrender, capitulation and retreat.”

Matalin: “Spoken like a true liberal. What a martyr. Faith, family and good wine. That’s how we do it.”

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:
timbryce.com

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Copyright © 2012 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.


NEXT UP: 
FIRST LESSONS IN JOINING THE WORK FORCE – “Got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues, and you know it don’t come easy.” – Ringo Starr


Listen to Tim on WJTN-AM (News Talk 1240) “The Town Square” with host John Siggins (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, (12:30-3:00pm).

Also look for Tim’s postings in the Palm Harbor Patch and throughout the Internet.

Posted in Life, Marriage, Society | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

MY FIRST WEDDING

Posted by Tim Bryce on November 7, 2011

I conducted my first wedding ceremony recently. As a Notary Public in the State of Florida, you can perform such a service, and we are but one of three states that permit this (the other two are South Carolina and Maine). I became a Notary a couple of years ago as it comes in handy to process legal paperwork, but I had never imagined doing a wedding service. Earlier this year, a young friend approached me about doing a service for a friend of hers. At first I was startled by the request, but then said, “Why not?”

I take the institution of marriage rather seriously and figured I would not treat it as frivolously as some people do. As such, I sat down with the bride-to-be and had a heart-to-heart talk with her about why she wanted to get married. We talked for quite a long time. I discussed my marriage, which has lasted over 30 years so far, and the sacrifices, compromises and challenges involved. We also openly talked about religion, children, finances, commitment, even pets. After a lengthy discussion, she came to understand my point-of-view and I became convinced of her love and commitment to her fiancé who was just being transferred to another state as part of his job. As an aside, I wish someone would have consulted me in this manner prior to my wedding in order to solidify my intentions. Only after we felt comfortable with each other did she ask me if I would perform the ceremony for her. I informed her this would be my first such ceremony, but I would put forth my best effort for her.

Several months passed and the bride kept me updated of schedules. During this time I located a simple wedding oath that complies with Florida regulations. It was hardly lengthy, but quite respectable nonetheless. The whole service would take less than ten minutes to perform which made me a little nervous as I tend to think of traditional weddings in terms of at least an hour to perform, but such was not the case and certainly not what the couple wanted.

We conducted a rehearsal on the day before the wedding at the site, which was a prominent hotel located on Tampa Bay. The practice was held late in the day at approximately the same time it was to be held on the following day. It was here that I met all of the relatives, bridesmaids and groomsmen. The service was to be held on a private beach of limited size (approximately 30″ X 60″) which, at the time, still had beach chairs on it and two Corn Toss games in the middle of it. I tried to imagine how over 100 people would be seated on the beach, and if they would be playing Corn Toss during the ceremony. The wedding coordinator from the hotel assured me everything would be cleared and setup appropriately for tomorrow’s service.

The rehearsal went off without a hitch and under ten minutes, much to the delight of the wedding coordinator and the bride and groom. My only concern was the prospect of the couple tearing up during the service as they warned might happen during the rehearsal (and did). Note to self: bring a pack of tissues tomorrow in case the waterworks get out of hand.

On the day of the wedding, my wife and I arrived an hour early so I could prepare myself and get the necessary paperwork in order. The reception was to be held immediately afterwards next to the hotel pool where staff was busy making last minute preparations. It was a beautiful Florida fall day with a slight sea breeze coming in off the water. Frankly, it was picture perfect, everything was in order, and attendees began to arrive for the ceremony.

As part of the service, the couple had two large bulldogs which were important to the family. One was dressed to represent the groom and sported a top hat, the other represented the bride and wore a light dress. My fear was that the dogs wouldn’t behave properly or perhaps have an “accident” in front of the audience, which was a horrible mental image I worried about. Fortunately it was not to be, and the audience found them to be a rather charming addition to the wedding party.

As for me, a lot of people knew this was my first wedding service and kept asking me if I was nervous. Now I’ll admit I would like to see the service come and go without any flaws, but having spoken in front of many audiences over the years, I hardly suffered from any stage fright. I just wanted to do my part as dignified as possible. As is common for Florida beach weddings, the wedding was somewhat casual in nature. Although the bride wore a beautiful white dress, the groom wore a comfortable Tommy Bahama outfit, also in white. The groomsmen and bridesmaids were quite casual as well, as were the dogs who behaved admirably. However, as the official in charge of the ceremony I resisted the temptation to go too casual and wore a suit and tie instead, thereby denoting an authoritative figure which I felt was important.

At the designated time, the service began and I took my position at the front of the audience on the beach who were seated in organized chairs in front of me. To my left was the groom and his groomsmen, along with the bulldog wearing a top hat. The bridesmaids then came down separately as is customary and positioned themselves to my right, with the other dog in tow. The bride was then escorted down the aisle by both her mother and father. I could see some slight moisture in her eyes and I reached in my pocket to check for the tissues.

We then began the service and I methodically delivered it speaking slowly but somewhat loudly as the acoustics were less than ideal on the beach. As we came to the portion of the ceremony for the couple to exchange rings and say, “I give you this ring as a token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love,” I could see the waterworks beginning to erupt, first the bride, then the groom. I went to reach for the tissues in my pocket but it was too late. I then quickly issued my pronouncement that the couple was legally wedded and invited the groom to kiss his bride, which surprisingly wasn’t too hard for me to sell. The audience sprung to its feet and applauded. The wedding party then withdrew in an orderly procession and I concluded the ceremony.

Interestingly, several people in attendance assumed I was either a minister or holy man. I was receiving handshakes and nods of approval from different people much how I had seen people talk to members of the clergy after a church service. I relished the mistaken identity for a few moments, but then burst their bubble when I lit up a cigar and ordered a scotch from the bar. It was then that I began to overhear people saying, “You mean Notaries can marry people here in Florida?”

Towards the end of the evening, when my wife and I decided to depart, I stopped to talk to the newlyweds one last time. As I gave them their paperwork signed and sealed, I implored them to be good to each other, in good times as well as in bad. I also admonished them, “When a Bryce marries you, you stay married.” Being a Notary Public is one thing, taking the institution of marriage seriously is something else. I would like to believe I was successful in my debut.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:
http://www.phmainstreet.com/timbryce.htm

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Tune into Tim’s THE BRYCE IS RIGHT! podcast Mondays-Fridays, 7:30am (Eastern).

Copyright © 2011 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

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ANNIVERSARIES

Posted by Tim Bryce on February 23, 2011

This weekend marks the thirtieth wedding anniversary for my wife and I, which many consider quite a milestone, particularly in an age where 40-50% of first time marriages end in divorce. We’ve already had a lot of people congratulate my wife and myself on this achievement as if we had just swum across the English Channel. Frankly though, we don’t understand what the hubbub is all about. After all, this is what we signed up for and we’re in it for the long haul. As an aside, I tend to appreciate anniversaries more so than birthdays as I, at least, had something to say about getting married.

My wife is one of three sisters, all of whom have been married for over thirty years and I have always wondered why we’ve all stayed together for so long. Politically and religiously the families were all quite different, but this didn’t seem to impede our relationships. Although we all met and married in Cincinnati, our parents came from different parts of the country and had different interests. There were no professional similarities between the fathers either, as there are none between the brothers-in-law. Most of our parents all knew each other and socialized but were not considered intimate friends. No, the answer must be elsewhere.

All of the parents had been deeply committed to their spouses and were there until “death do us part.” Two sets of the parents even celebrated fifty years together, another major milestone. Come to think of it, most of our close friends have all been married for over thirty years as well. One might conclude that the concept of marriage as an institution was indelibly impressed on us by the examples set by our parents, and reinforced by the people we gravitated towards, a sort of a “birds of a feather” phenomenon.

The sisters are all uniquely different. They may have their highs and their lows, but they still remain committed to each other. Interestingly, their husbands all get along rather well and enjoy each other’s company. Whenever my wife and I return to Cincinnati we all get together and have a great time. While the girls get together and do their thing, the boys will sit down and share a cigar, a drink, and talk politics, work, kids, and whatever else is on our minds. We’ve developed quite a kinship.

If I were to attribute anything to the longevity of our marriages I would have to believe it has something to do with how we were all raised by our parents. My wife’s parents tried to instill proper ethics and discipline into their daughters, and I would like to believe their husbands’ parents did likewise. I see us all as being rather responsible people who pay their taxes, take their work seriously and try to lead honorable lives. But I think a lot of people would accuse us of possessing archaic beliefs and are now out of touch with the mainstream. This may be so, but what we’ve learned from our parents we will hopefully pass on to our offspring. I just hope our own kids can make it to 30 and beyond and, like us, beat the odds.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:
http://www.phmainstreet.com/timbryce.htm

Like the article? TELL A FRIEND.

Tune into Tim’s THE BRYCE IS RIGHT! podcast Mondays-Fridays, 11:30am (Eastern).

Copyright © 2011 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Posted in Life, Marriage | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

MARRIAGE: IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO

Posted by Tim Bryce on June 28, 2010

After seeing so many marriages end in divorce, you cannot help but wonder why couples get married in the first place. Maybe they see it as some kind of legal permission slip to do nothing more than to have sex. If so, that seems to be rather shallow thinking to me. I tend to believe most people get married to quell the biological clock in their heads to reproduce. Under this scenario, husband and wife are doomed to failure after their mission has been fulfilled. There are probably dozens of reasons for getting divorced, but regardless, I think most people go into marriage with impractical expectations and hidden incompatibilities that are slow to surface.

Perhaps the biggest misconception about marriage is that it is easy; that by simply getting married all of your difficulties you experienced as a single person will somehow disappear. Hardly. If anything, your problems are only beginning as you have to learn to live with a new person unfamiliar with your customs, mannerisms, and lifestyle. I have yet to meet the couple who was perfectly compatible at the time of taking their marriage vows. Regardless of how long you may have lived with someone prior to marriage, you really don’t know the person until it becomes “legal.”

A lot of people seem to fail to grasp that marriage is a partnership. This disturbs me greatly. It involves forming a team which means working together towards common goals and objectives. True, each person has their own unique duties and responsibilities, but to make such a partnership work, it is necessary for both give and take, for compromise, which some people have the ability to accept and adapt to, while others cannot. This means you cannot always do the things you did unilaterally when you were single. Now you must consider and consult your partner. Like any business venture, you must do what is best for both parties, not just one. This is the part of marriage most people seem to have trouble with. Any time one party ignores or excludes consideration for the other, the marriage is doomed.

If you have any doubt whatsoever about getting married, don’t do it. You must go into it with both eyes wide open and possess a genuine willingness to try to work together. Anything less will inevitably result in either an unhappy marriage or a nasty divorce.

Just remember, it takes two to tango.

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is the Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:
http://www.phmainstreet.com/timbryce.htm

Copyright © 2010 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

COMING IN JULY: “Tin Heads” – where transportation merges with communications. What is Bryce up to now?

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