– A test to measure yourself.

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Anyone who has ever taken an IQ test knows you have to endure a battery of multiple choice questions aimed at measuring your intelligence. Some are simple and common sense, others are a little tricky. This got me thinking whether we could devise a similar program aimed at determining if a person suffers from SFB (Shit for Brains) which you may recall me commenting on not long ago. As a result, I have devised the following set of questions:

1. During a business meeting you disagree with a coworker, and your boss sides with the coworker; What do you do?

A. Send a blind text message to everyone else in the department that your boss and the coworker are lovers (regardless what sex they are). B. Change the coworker’s time sheet to show he/she is goofing off more than yourself.

C. Using Adobe Photoshop, you manufacture compromising photos of your boss and e-mail it anonymously throughout the company.

2. Your boss asks you to work overtime in order to complete a key project; What do you do?

A. File a grievance with HR. B. Change the office clocks (including those on the server) so everyone else has to stay late with you.

C. Manufacture an excuse, preferably the death of a loved one.

3. You have been asked to return your neighbor’s chain saw after having it for six months; What do you do?

A. Before you return it, you hack away on a tree bordering your properties, particularly your neighbor’s side. B. Anonymously report him to the homeowners association that his lawn is a mess.

C. Pretend you didn’t get the message and keep it for six more months.

4. It’s 4:55pm on Friday, a customer calls desperately in need of one of your products; What do you do?

A. Send his message to voice mail and answer him on Monday. B. Send him the wrong product (or an insufficient quantity of the right product).

C. Send a text message to him that you are on the golf course and wish him a good weekend.

5. The office temperature satisfies everyone in the office but you; What do you do?

A. Adjust the thermostat to suit your needs. B. Open the windows.

C. While the boss is away, issue an e-mail memo that only you can adjust the thermostat.

6. While in the midst of a critical project assignment, your boss calls for another boring meeting; What do you do?

A. Briefly attend the meeting, but then excuse yourself leaving behind a notepad, pen and coffee cup indicating you will return (you don’t). B. You record the meeting with your cell phone, and e-mail it anonymously to your boss’ boss.

C. You have someone call your cell phone every few minutes so that it disrupts the meeting and the boss asks you to leave.

7. You’re traveling on company business and spend a tidy sum at a local Exotic Dance club; what do you do?

A. Report it on your expense account as “entertainment” of a client. B. Doctor your receipts with a graphics package to make them look legitimate.

C. Tell your boss you were conducting some market research.

8. A shipping company is trying to make an urgent delivery to one of your rivals at work who is currently off-site; What do you do?

A. Refuse to sign and accept the package. B. Forward the shipment to your Scranton office.

C. Forge his name on the delivery and hide the package in the building.

9. It is rush-hour and you want to get home in the most expeditious means possible; What do you do?

A. While driving, call a loved one on your cell phone and ask what’s for dinner. B. At a stop light, you roll down your window and ask your neighbor for directions, but since he can’t speak English you flip him the bird.

C. Using your GPS, you plot a course that takes you through Las Vegas.

10. The new technology you’ve installed in the company is not living up to your promise of improving productivity and is actually a financial drain instead; What do you do?

A. Blame the end-users for incompetence in the use of the technology. B. Blame the vendors for inferior products.

C. Blame the programmers for lousy software.

Now, for your score. Actually, it’s rather simple. If you answered any one of these questions, give yourself a score of 100 as you are a bona fide SFB.

First published: September 8, 2008

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at [email protected]

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Copyright © 2017 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

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